Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
