a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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