i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
