a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
