So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
