No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
