so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
