u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I said "one day" and that day is not today
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
