So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
