Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
