Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
