im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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