And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
