I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
