HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
