I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
