She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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