hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
