Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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