She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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