What did we do last night that was yellow?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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