...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I enjoy the company of your penis
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
