Sponge bath it is.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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