Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
