If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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