cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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