4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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