Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
grandma shit on top of the toilet
its not stalking. its research.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
