Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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