Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
