We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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