Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
