I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
