All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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