This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
