Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
