I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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