I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
