just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
