Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
