one word: firstdatebathroomanal
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
