"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
