Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
