fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
