Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
