Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
