I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
