Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Come see our sink grown plant.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
