I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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