clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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