Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
