Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
